I am officially a new mother. A new mother of a beautiful little girl. After 14+ hours of labor, 2 grueling hours of pushing, too much blood loss, puking my guts out, slipping in and out of consciousness, multiple stitches and reminding myself over and over that it has to be worth it in the end, I am a mother. How terrifying that anyone would let me be responsible for another human being. It took me years to get the hang of keeping houseplants and caged animals alive-I am sure I am the only person who has actually killed a cactus and a gecko, 2 organisms that require only minimal care and responsibility.
Now a little over 3 weeks old, I have learned more from my daughter than I did my entire college career. Providing hands on training, she has taught me that mental breakdowns can come without warning or bias to time and place, changing a diaper should not be a leisurely event, I can still get jealous like a middle schooler, and that daytime TV sucks.
One of my biggest fears when I was pregnant was that having a baby would put strain on my marriage. I was very wrong. My husband and I are closer than ever. I want him more than I ever did and he has been the rock that keeps me grounded in the world of baby. Whenever I feel like throwing her out the window, he reminds me that she can't fly. He knows when I've hit my diaper changing limit and takes the burden of possible blow outs and poop splattered t-shirts. If I'm lacking sleep and start staring at the wall oblivious to the screaming baby in my arms he forces me to bed and knows how to quiet her in his big, strong hands. I could not have done this without him and I am sure I will learn just as much from him as I will from her.
Although I have fallen in love her and I would die for her, she has turned my life into a chaotic, messy, entertaining world and I plan to share it. Here I jump with hesitation, doubt, fear and excitment into the tornado of diapers, screams, tears and laughter of baby......
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